#1

Fun Fact: I HATE the phrase "curl up with a good book."

The lunatic is in my head

I've been having a lot of weird rants in my head. At night I post brain-blogs that are brilliant and sad and amazing, and forgotten by the next day.

I'm having a hard time with...well, time. I've been sad and bogged down with the thought of growing old, and especially of those around me getting older. I think sometimes I would prefer NOT to outlive anyone I care about. It's something that has always haunted me. I remember being young, at night on the top bunk trying to fall asleep. I would think of the universe, and get scared trying to understand what was beyond earth, the solar system, where it ends and what it is all held in. I would thinking about my parents getting old and it would make me cry. It would scare me and I would dust it out of my mind, like a Disney cartoon. I would imagine filing cabinets open and cluttered, with cob webs and dust. Then I would imagine myself going inside my brain with a duster, and cleaning out the clutter. Flushing all the sad and bad thoughts. I think it may be an actual cartoon segment. It worked, and I still do it to this day. I did it last night, over and over with thoughts of age, and waste, and parents, and Bud.

Sometime I can get really wrapped up in things, things that are much better put aside in order to keep sane. It's time, and I don't know how to handle it. Or understand it. I don't want to think about it.

I wish there really were a fountain of youth...